11.24.24 through 12.8.24 Willisburg Bulletin
SPIRITUAL RESILIENCE
Last week I had training at work and my office had a person come speak on resilience. Her talk was to government recipients, but she made a statement that just clicked with me spiritually. She said, “we get stuck in what’s supposed to happen and we lose sight of what’s really happening.” The idea that we miss reality because we get caught up in things that we thought were not fair or not supposed to happen to us. The “why me” attitude. James 1:2 says, “when you fall into various trials,” not if, but when; therefore, it’s promised temptations and trials will come. It’s guaranteed bad things are going to happen to us or those around us that affect us as 1 Peter 4:12 reminds us not think it’s strange. So since bad circumstances are a part of life, we must learn how to bounce back (the actual definition of resilience). If you think about it, being able to recover or resume a pleasing state with God after enduring a hardship is the will of God for us. Reflect on yourselves… when something goes wrong how well do you bounce back? Do you allow your inner strength (faith) to help you rebound quickly or do you let the world (Satan) drag you into the mud where you’re stuck for awhile? When you have resilience, you harness and grab hold of faith to spring back from a setback or challenge, whether it’s a job loss, an illness, a disaster, or a death. We must develop healthy techniques to handle adversity.
BRAIN SCIENCE RESEARCH SUPPORTS RESILIENCE
Studies have shown that the limbic system of our brains drives our immediate reactions based on emotions and that ties directly to our memories based on our senses. It’s the mechanism that turns on the normal reaction of fight (defending ourselves) or flight (running from the situation). Yet, studies have revealed that if we don’t react immediately, the prefrontal cortex part of the brain will cycle the information. This piece of the brain handles decision-making, self-control, and understanding consequences, which typically develops last around age 25. It’s no wonder young people struggle with rash decisions and handling raw situations/emotions. It is human nature to have automatic reaction, making it hard to bounce back after unforeseen events, but if we begin practicing practical skills now, when adversity hits, our higher judgement part of the brain will kick in rather than the reaction part of our brain.
CONTRASTS OF RESILIENCE VS. GUT REACTIONS
Responsibility vs. Victimhood | Forgiveness vs. Bitterness | Self Forgiveness vs. Guilt | Connection vs. Isolation | Purpose vs. Powerlessness
We can’t just say we want to handle adversity as God would have us by doing what we normally do; it requires a change, which involves practice before the adversity hits. Learning to use the prefrontal cortex brain rather than the limbic system.
TRAITS + SKILLS TO BUILD SPIRITUAL RESILIENCE
We will address these 11 skills in our bulletin: this week we will handle three different skills.
Identify & Manage Emotions
Ps 95:8 reminds us not to be like the Israelites that hardened their hearts in rebellion because of trials. We are told in James 1:2 to count it as joyful. We have to practice not thinking only about the negatives, but feed our minds full of the positives that come whatever trial. Recognizing how we feel and then using higher judgment to find the good outcomes in the situation will lead to truth and limit negativity. When we start understanding our emotions and how to handle them properly, our sense of value and acting as such seems possible.
Sense of Control
It’s human nature to desire control, but we must not get stuck in our humanness of “this isn’t right, this isn’t supposed to happen” and look at reality. We must develop a personal sense of control by looking at what you can make a positive impact on and what you need to let go of. Even when the world is chaotic, God is still in control, making it easier to find our own sense of control. There are matters we can control and we need to ask God for the wisdom to know the difference between the things you need to let go because you can’t change and the things you can change and need the courage to do so. For example, when an illness diagnosis occurs, it’s hard to not remain bogged down. We tend to let that disease or issue define us and our value, but we must shift our thinking to see reality. Instead of trying to stop something that is, start seeing things for how they really are and what we can do to make the best out of it.
Happiness
Studies show that the two biggest impacts on our happiness are when we do something significant (serve others) and when we do something involving (use our gifts). God told us it is more blessed to give than receive (Acts 20:35). Blessed is also defined as happy; therefore, we will be happier when we share with others as commanded (Heb 13:16). Realize our happiness is our choice. However, we also need to realize life is about peaks and valleys and we cannot expect constant happiness from the world. It has to be rooted within us from God (Matt 5).
Optimism/Gratitude
It is a proven fact that if you grow your optimism, your outcomes are better. It is also proven that your health and well-being are affected by our attitude. So it only makes sense that it would affect our spiritual health as well. Those with a half-empty attitude and always finding way to blame others were more likely to develop cancer and have more illnesses. We must develop a mature coping style for adversity by leaning on God. He tells us all things work together for good (Rom 8:28), we must believe it. We know hard times are going to happen, but we have to take the situation and make the best out of it. Not everything will make sense and all situations aren’t perfect, but God has a plan. As Christians, we carry the greatest news known to anyone. We ought to be happy knowing we have the keys to Heaven, we just have to follow the Book. Think of all the blessings God has given you in your life. This month, I did a thankful challenge with a group of ladies and what a difference it made. Each day think of one reason you are thankful for your spouse, God, and another special blessing. Your mind will begin to change by first seeing the positives in life.
Savoring
We must practice being present as often we miss what’s happening because we are looking back or ahead. Hellen Keller once said, “I have often wondered how it was possible to walk through the woods for an hour and see nothing notable. I, who cannot see, finds hundreds of things. The delicate sympatry of a leaf, the smooth skin of a silver birch, the rough shaggy bank of a pine. I, who am blind, can give one hint to those who see. Use your eyes as if tomorrow you will have been stricken blind. Hear the music of voices, the songs of a bird, the mighty strings or an orchestra as if you would be stricken deaf tomorrow. Touch each object as if tomorrow your tactical senses would fail. Smell the perfume of flowers, taste with relish each morsal of every sense. Glory in all the facets and pleasures and beauty which the world reveals to you.” We have a habitual issue of always wanting more and taking our pleasures for granted. Remember, our emotions are tied to our memory. We need to focus on the present moment, the one God has given us now, because we all know tomorrow is not a guarantee (James 4:14).
Compassion
It is not about being perfect, but accepting others and your own humanity. Other people will fail you and you may even disappoint yourself, but we are able to have compassion, because Christ did. We have the perfect example of this shown by Jesus granting compassion on those standing before Him yelling, “crucify Him, crucify Him.” We must give grace to others. Ephesians talks all about grace, but what’s important is we are filled with God’s grace immeasurably; therefore, we are able to give grace to others immeasurably too. Our grace should never run out! Christ came to serve and asks us to do the same, bringing the gospel news to the world (Matt 28:18-20). It makes perfect sense why science says that by serving others it is proven to boost your happiness. Exercising compassion intentionally will build resilience. Instead of blaming others and dropping friends because they don’t do this or that, we now find ways to smile and grant grace to them, understanding they aren’t perfect and we probably aggravate them too in some way. Looking to Christ for compassion should be who we learn from to gain the trait.
Relationships/Intimacy/Connections
Tough times tend to make us draw into ourselves, but instead we need to allow others to help. We aren’t in this world alone and we do not have to go through hard times alone either. God made sure there is support and help if we allow it (Gal 6:2). We let our pride get in the way of asking and receiving assistance. PBS put out a video a long time ago how our emotions and mental health have a direct correlation with encouragement from others and allowing others to help us. It gave a story about a fighter pilot being in solitary confinement for three years after being shot down in war. That pilot found out that there were other people in other rooms. They also received water in a metal cup each day slid to them under the door and those soldiers developed a tapping code with those cups to communicate. We need to find those people that are willing to be with us in the depth of the sea. We are quick to just write someone off when they let us down instead of building each other up. We cannot have the expectation that everyone will meet our needs all the time. We need to nurture our relationships by investing in them, especially when they are in the thickets of life. We must look to each other’s strengths and not get bogged down on why they didn’t stick up for us or do what we THINK they should have. Find the value in each person! If God did us the same way, we would be lost, yet God looks at us a masterpiece of whom betters His kingdom. Let’s look at others how they make our lives better. God’s will is not for us to suffer in the hard times, in fact He has given us innumerable amounts of people we can rely on if we build the relationship with (spouses, children, family, church family, friends, God himself, etc).
Communication
When adversity hits, we like to harvest our emotions inwardly. Yet, it’s proven that it only causes self harm. God tells us to give it to Him, He will care for you, but we don’t. Friends ask what’s wrong and we say we’re fine, but we aren’t. Family offers meals and babysitting, but we don’t take it. People lend an ear, but we don’t take it. We stop all normal action, because we think it’s best, when actually it is not. We need to let it out. Just because it is difficult doesn’t mean we don’t do it; therefore, we need to say the difficult things. Most likely someone else has experienced the same things and can truly help, we are just too stubborn to talk about it or seek their help. The easiest way to start practicing this is speak from our own perspective about any emotion. “When … happens, … is the impact on me, … is how I feel and … is what I need.” If we take things down to this level, when something does happen, we will be able to handle our emotions and look to God and others to say yes I’m dealing with this, yes I need this, and yes I’m not okay, but I will be.
Forgiveness
Some how this is a really hard thing to develop. It’s so easy to get stuck on being bitter when someone messes up or wrongs you, but it holds us back and we can’t move forward as a Christian. We have to realize that bitterness we harbor only eats us up. We have to learn to let it go. Giving it to God (1 Pet 5:7; Ps 55:22) is the most freeing feeling (Isa 41:10; Phil 4:6-7) as God’s peace will surround you. I think we often don’t want to forgive because we have the idea that forgiving is saying what happened was okay and now we have to act like it didn’t happen, but that’s not true. Forgiving does not sanction what they did to you, nor does it mean it was right, but it allows us to cope and not let it develop into a deeper sin. We truly don’t give forgiveness enough value when dealing with adversity and learning to be resilient.
Mindfulness
This skill has been taken from us by Satan. Is it hard for you to go to the bathroom without being on your phone or looking at a magazine? Do you watch TV and look at your phone at the same time? Do you have a hard time going to sleep because your mind is running a list of what all you need to do? We as a society have lost the ability to handle our our attention. Technology has hijacked it. We’ve lost control by giving it to those people (whatever is ruling your mind), whether it be spider solitaire, Facebook, Amazon, YouTube, etc. We think we can’t go one minute without getting back on it to check social media or beat our own high score. What you attend to is who you are and what you do. So if we are focusing on the junk and negativity in life or on social media that’s what we are going to put out. If we practice being present minded and not thinking about what someone else is posting or how high I can get the score and more on God’s Word, it will help in those lower times. If we work to get rid of the junk (worldliness) out of our mind, we will be better Christians and work better in God’s kingdom. When was the last time you didn’t get on your phone or TV and you pulled out your Bible instead or you thought about how you could’ve handle a situation better or how you can teach your kids to rely on God? We are quick to whip out that phone and get on social media whenever we are in a quiet moment, and then when something happens that rocks our world we worry, don’t know what to do, and we stress over every little thing. Whereas if we had spent all the quiet moments in the Word and praying we would know who to turn to and how to cope with the situation.